So this blog is dedicated to all my readers who keep asking me if my S.O. "read that last blog entry?" Yes he did and here's what happened ....
My blog about church camp and the guy I was attracted to was an absolute shock to my S.O. He didn't read it for a couple of days after posting, but when he did I quickly got a phone call asking "to talk". Wasn't good. He was taken aback, caught off-guard; no I hadn't talked it over with him before I posted. (Note to self, always check with the S.O. before a provacative posting)
Anyhow, we agreed we'd "talk later about things". Later, we did talk things out and basically I smoothed things over saying there was nothing to worry about. Well...there was SOME truth to that.
Here's the thing, at camp I was interested, there was a certain attraction to this guy and I DID tell him that I had a boyfriend (S.O). I then slipped him my biz card in hopes of seeing him at church and maybe even introducing to one of my single friends. That was totally my plan.
Well, when we got back from camp I invited this guy out to lunch, hoping that another friend was going to join us - she didn't. So we went.
----------- Note to the reader: Most folks who regularly read my blog know that I'm completely honest and real with what I write, I don't plan to change that. All I ask is that you don't judge me --------------
At lunch, we talked about camp, past relationships, church, etc. In short, that attraction returned. I ended up telling him about my feelings and how those feelings are causing me to question my current relationship with my S.O. He told me he had the same feelings. Yikes!
We pretty much lefted at that however, in the following days, we started a sort of "Text-ship" and convos started getting a little more intense. We went as far as to talk about wanting to become exclusive which meant me leaving my S.O.
That texting and those feelings made me more or less cold when it came to intimacy (not sex) with my S.O. The other day I finally came clean about this guy to my S.O.... TO BE CONTINUED
That's today RoMANtic Redemption ... Until next time
Don't forget about Surprise! You're Engaged - I plan and videotape wedding proposals
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Honesty can hurt but it is the best thing. I love you Kimberly
ReplyDeleteIt is never good for a guy and girl to hang out alone if either of them is serious with someone else. There really is no such thing as a guy and girl being "just friends" or even "just business partners" or whatever.
ReplyDeleteIn this case, you telling this church camp guy about your feelings and "question my current relationship with my S.O." actually encouraged him to pursue you a little further. Although I do think he also probably stopped pursuing for the same reason. Anyway, You allowed him to believe that he could have you (if even only for a brief moment) and that is dangerous territory to tread.
The heart is yours to give to whoever you want. Never let feelings dictate where you give your heart. Feelings will lie to you. When you do give your heart, give it completely and guard it from others.
Proverbs 4:23 from 2 different translations.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (NIV)
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. (KJV)
One more...
“You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: But I say to you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.” MATTHEW 5:27,28
Take this scripture a little further. Think of lust as not necessarily sexual desire, but intimacy and love. Try personalizing the scripture, for example re-read it replacing "that whosoever" with "If Kimberly", "woman" with "man", and "lust" with "intimacy".
The same is true for both men and women - its just much more common for men to struggle with guarding their heart - and sexual lust, but thats another post for another day.
And yes, you really should talk with your S.O. before posting. In fact, I did read the last post the other day and I had assumed you had done so.
Hope that gives you some things to think about and ultimately makes you and your future husbands relationship stronger.
Jared Farnum
http://jaredfarnum.com
I see... listen Jar-bear, I don't mean this to sound harsh ... but the second part is a little over dramatic... I'm sorry but it is. I'm a girl and I totally understand what Kimberly is going through. They are not married technically she is still considered "single", so adultery is a pretty strong word. Plus its your own interpretation on the bible and so it doesn't necessarily mean that its the right one. That being said. I do think you have some good points. I can't disprove Proverbs because I keep "the sword" sheathed against other Christians. I agree that it does open the door up for this "other guy" to step in. But what about the Boyfriend (s.o. is such a dumb word)? If he was smart he'd understand that if she isn't happy he should do the unselfish thing and let her go or just be patient. I mean seriously lets look at the big picture, does someone want to marry a guy they second guess or to be with someone that is second guessing them? That screams desperation. Have you been through a divorce Mr. Jar-bear? Not only expensive but emotionally damaging and what if there are kid involved?
ReplyDeleteJar-bear I think you aren't seeing the big picture and it looks a little one sided. But I do think the references are good ones about proverbs. I would take things in the old testament with a little less weight... Deuteronomy 23:1 & Exodus 21:24... so I think Kimberly should have the fortitude to figure out what to do... everyone INCLUDING the S.O. is to blame... The situation could be a lot worse...
Booo-ya