First off, thanks to everyone for reading my blog and not being harsh or too harsh with your comments. I absolutely appreciate any and all feedback. Like I've said before, I'm going through a transition period in my life - basically, I"m becoming LESS of an emotional moron and learning to put others' feelings before my own (NOT CHEAT). Remember, this blog is called RoMANtic Redemption, a journey I'm inviting everyone to take with me. That said, let's get on with part 2....
Let me preface this entry with this: I've NOT physically cheated on my S.O. (Significant other) with the CCG (Church camp guy), let's just get that straight. Though in some circles the "Text-ship" I've engaged in may count as a form of cheating, I get it. Baby steps people. Keep in mind that before my current relationship I physically cheated on EVERY boyfriend.
Okay, so like I said at the end of the last entry, I finally 'fessed up to my S.O. about the CCG (Church camp guy). How did I start that convo, like this: "I need your help. I need your prayers. I'm about to reveal a hard truth to you and I just want you to listen and then we can discuss". In a nutshell, I came clean about my true feelings for the CCG, how I did go to lunch with him and how I'm not certain about our relationship now (with my S.O.).
I told my S.O. how since getting back from church and even a little before I'd been feeling "uncertain" about my feelings for him. For some reason I was becoming more agitated and upset at every little thing. However, those feelings aren't what prompted me to look elsewhere, in fact this CCG came out of nowhere. Honestly.
In the year and a half that me and my S.O. have been together, I'd never looked at another man romantically. Sure, I'd appreciate a good looking guy passing by, but never wanted to leave my S.O. for anyone. I found these feelings for the CCG strange and yet divine. In one convo with the CCG, and let me say that I talked to him about all this too, in fact he reads this blog also, however in one of our phone conversations I questioned my feelings towards him. He told me that he'd been praying to God to send him his "special someone" and feels that it's me. In the same breath he told me, "this is happening for one of two reasons, Kimberly, one: I'm just a "speed-bump" or test from God or two: I'm a "change in direction" that God wants you to take".
What do you do with that, right? Well, I did tell my S.O. about that convo and a major verbal fight that I won't get into (some things need to remain private) he agreed to let me go and figure this all out. Of course, when I say "he let me go" that means we we're technicially no longer S.O.s however, we do live together and still "act" like we're together so it's hard to really let go to figure all this out. I just need his and everyone's prayers at this point.
Like I've said, I'm going through a major change and transition in my life - from a girl who liked to play with boys to a woman who's looking for a man. I'm learning how to treat a good man, like my S.O.
As soon as I figure this out you all will know. Please send your prayers and leave comments. (Thank you Chelsea and Jared for your comments)
I leave you with this thought: Sure, it would be easy to "do the right thing" and stay with my S.O. and leave the CCG (church camp guy), but could I? Right now, I think if I did that I'd probably still try to sneak a phone call, meeting or text here and there with the CCG and that solves nothing. Plus, I continue to hurt my S.O. - an incredible, DAMN good-looking guy.
Chelsea, I appreciate yours words about my not being married so now's the time to figure things out before making a major mistake (not to say that my S.O. would be). Your words really resonated with me. I just know that divorce WILL NOT be an option for me so I'm happy to go through all this craziness and actually I believe things will work out as God intended.
That's today's RoMANtic Redemption, until next time....
Don't forget about Surprise! You're Engaged - I plan and videotape wedding proposals so give me a holler. www.SurpriseYouAreEngaged.com
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